The Lists Part Three

Scary Moments – theses are moments we left out of the blog on purpose or soft-pedaled, so to speak.

· Interstate 8 out of San Diego County – the Bob Trailers are rated to 25 MPH – 38 is a low estimate of this plummet along side Interstate Traffic. Forearms were looking quite Popeye-ish as we had to squeeze those brakes for all they were worth.

· Marty’s Knee – it was really flipping bad. Kelly’s timely arrival and ride to the Doctor was great, but it was still touch and go for a couple weeks after that. Though some do it, this trip would not be fun solo.

· Dogs In Fort Hancock, Texas – These sons-of-bitches (HA we can use that with impunity) were nasty, mean, relentless and almost got the Bear Spray in the face. We never encountered anything like it anywhere else.

· San Antonio Highway Interchange – Jake has a weird penchant for dicey travels in close quarters with motor vehicles, but it was even time to change his shorts after the I-10, I-35, I-37, US 90, merge/interchange/funhouse/deathtrap/roller coaster.

· Jake’s Stomach and regions South – It was just bad. Even now that we are done, we assume people still like to eat without feeling ill, so the details will go to the grave with Jake… a place that did not seem so far off a few days into the episode.

· The people at the Imperial Palace Casino – not threatening, just scary.

· The people at the Jesus restaurant – not threatening, just scary.

· Fire building at Itchnetucknee Springs – well… what had happened… uh… well we… you see, here is how it all went down. We have no matches and no lighter. But we are at a campground with a fire pit and well, you know, you have to have a fire in that situation, don’t you? We took off to the Springs and took a dip in the ever 72 degree water and proceeded to load up Jake’s trailer with firewood for our fire. We still had the dilemma of no source of ignition. Lucky for us, a fellow camper had been burning some big logs the night before and that fire had two big chunks of half burned logs just full of embers. We happily loaded them onto my trailer on top of some beer boxes we thought would protect the trailer on the 75-yard journey to our campsite. Did we mention the 20 MPH wind today? Oh… well there was that… and the flammable beer boxes…oh yeah and the spare tires for the trailer and bike zip-tied to the bottom of the trailer. As one with half a brain might imagine, Jake was soon towing a raging inferno of wood, beer box, and rubber through the campsite. Undaunted we hurriedly dumped the entire conflagration into our fire-pit and saved the trailer (which could use a coat of Krylon now). We were successful in starting the fire as you might guess. As you might NOT guess, Marty, instead of aiding the emblazoned Jake, was doubled over in laughter thinking Jake looked like a dog running from his own tail afire.. THAT was scary.

Quotable Quotes

· “I never been out of the state ‘cept when I went to my parents’ wedding in Las Vegas, and I hardly remember that” – young girl outside of the only store in Ripley, California.

· “Is that a trailer?” – Mensa member at Roadhouse in Bastrop Texas.

· “Better not get too much tanner, there are some real rednecks east of here.” Woman in general store in Independence Texas.

· “Are you guys crazy?” – many people in multiple towns.

· “Don’t you have anything better to do?” – The chain-smoking drunk guy (around age 25) downing Natural Lights one after the other, sitting next to his pregnant wife in the bar in Defuniak Springs at 5:20 PM.

· “If I were any better, I would be you” – enormous blow-hard to anyone with the misfortune of catching his eye at that whacky restaurant in Chattahoochee.

· “What is the deal here, are these guys all Jesus-freaks?” – Jake right before he noticed the plastic three-dimensional depiction of the last supper directly above his head in said whacky restaurant.

· “Marty, are there any beers left?” – Jake.

· “No” – Marty.

Stupid Signs

· Limited Sight Distance

· Texas State Law – you must observe all warning signs.

· No diving from bridge – seen often on dry creek and river beds in Arizona, NM, and Texas.

· No fishing from bridge – seen on a 10-yard bridge in Florida.

· “CHURCH” – that is it, not crossing, not warning if you are evil, in-session, just Church.

· All Traffic must stop for school buses – come on now.

· Absurd Church Signs – Okay, this may be sacrilegious, but once in the South.. and we mean the SOUTH… the marquees outside some denominations are just silly. I had no idea that Life without Jesus was like a Pizza without a bicycle Pump. Okay, so I made that one up… but seriously folks, let’s keep it relevant, shall we?